Alot on my mind.....

THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE BEEN VERY ROUGH ON ME....I AM SAD ONE MOMENT AND THEN ANGRY THE NEXT...ETHAN DOES NOT SEE THESE EMOTIONS BECAUSE HIS MAMA IS ALWAYS SOOOO HAPPY AND FULL OF ENERGY..BUT NOT SO MUCH TODAY! THIS ALL WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN TO ME OR ETHAN. I HAD DONE EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD THE RIGHT WAY. I WAS A GOOD KID, TEENAGER(OVERALL..MY MOTHER SAID THAT) AND I GREW UP TO BE A RESPONSABILE ADULT..NEEDLESS TO SAY AT TIMES IT WAS EITHER MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY. I RAN FOR 8 YEARS PROVING TO PEOPLE THAT A 5'10 GIRL KNEW HOW TO RUN.WHEN I MEANT GREG I DID EVERYTHING BY THE BOOK. BOTH OF MY PARENTS WERE PROUD OF ME THAT I WORKED SO HARD TO GET MY DEGREE IN THREE FIELDS (SPANISH, PSYCHOLOGY AND SOCIOLOGY) AND SO WAS GREG. I HAD A BEAUTIFUL AND HUGE WEDDING... I MARRIED THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. I GOT A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE,A BEAUTIFUL RING... EVERYTHING A GIRL EVER WANTED. GOT MARRIED..DECIDED 3 YEARS LATER TO START TRYING...WE DID..WE NEEDED SO HELP ON MY SIDE...BUT IT WORKED OUT. THEN 14 WEEKS INTO MY PREG. WE FOUND OUT THAT ETHAN HAD SPINA BIFIDA. NOW IF I BACK UP A BIT.... 4 YEARS EARLIER I WAS TOLD THAT I MIGHT HAVE SPINA BIFIDA OCCULTA...HELLO PEOPLE WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME BEFORE. MY PARENTS AND I KNEW I HAD SCOLOSIS, WHY DID NO TELL US THE REST OF THE STORY. SO...WHEN THEY TOLD US THAT ETHAN HAD SPINA BIFIDA ... I WAS LIKE OK..I CAN HANDLE ALL THIS AND I DID. I WAS VERY SAD..BUT NO ONE SAW IT...I JUST WANTED TO SHOP FOR THE VERY BEST THINGS FOR HIM AND I DID. SO ETHAN CAME...AND I CONSIDER MYSELF THE LUCKIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD THAT I HAVE THIS LITTLE BOY THAT WORSHIPS THE GROUND I WALK ON. SO A YEAR LATER I WENT FOR A BLOOD TEST TO FIND OUT THE I CARRY 2 GENES THAT DO NOT PRODUCE ENOUGH FOLATE....ANOTHER KICK IN THE MOUTH...SO I DEALT WITH ALOT OF GUILT AND SLOWLY IT HAS GONE AWAY ONLY TO COME BACK TO HAUNT ME NOW. SO LETS JUST SAY IT HAS BEEN ALITTLE ROUGH. MY PARENTS AND GREG'S FAMILY HAVE BEEN VERY SUPPORTIVE..BUT NOTHING SEEMS TO EASE THE PAIN THAT I HAVE IN MY HEART..IT ACHES WITH SOOO MUCH PAIN. THIS WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN TO ME AND CERTAINLY NOT TO MY ETHAN. I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. BUT, WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH...